Just when you thought your Wednesday evenings were safe and you were free to do with them what the Lord intended (look in the fridge, contemplate cooking something healthy, and order pizza instead) FOX decides to return once again and torture your poor stuck-at-home self. That’s right, The Masked Singer is back for its FIFTH SEASON and the costumes look more deranged than ever. Only time will tell which celebrities are hiding underneath these nightmare-inducing masks, but for now, all I know is that fans are once again reaching for the stars with their guesses. Exhibit A: a garbage-dwelling creature with a penchant for checkered plaid commonly referred to by friends and enemies alike as—drumroll, please—The Raccoon.
Yeah, this guy right here:
Who might be lurking behind this bristly visage? No one knows for sure (well, except for the weirdos occupying the corner offices at FOX) but of course, fans have not wasted a minute coming up with compelling theories. Behold, the evidence:
Ready your eyeballs for this mess aka the shortest preview video, ugh:
There’s not much to analyze here unfortch, but we do hear an incredibly high-pitched raccoon squeak out the following statement: “You might not be able to trust me with your lunch, but you better trust that I can sing, baby!” Fans also note that the Raccoon is dressed as a cowboy—or cowgirl. There’s actually some debate over whether the Raccoon is a woman or a man. (Gender is a construct.) And lastly, eagle-eyed viewers pointed out that the Raccoon put the lid on what appears to be a Flamingo…in a trash-can. On that note, let’s move on:
This theory is intriguing for a couple reasons. You might recall that way back in season 2, we learned that the celebrity hiding underneath the Flamingo mask was none other than Adrienne Bailon, formerly of 3LW and The Cheetah Girls.
Kiely Williams (also formerly of 3LW and The Cheetah Girls) and Adrienne Bailon famously had a falling out, with Kiely accusing Adrienne of being a fake friend. So! With that context, the flamingo-in-the-trashcan moment makes a lot more sense. But also some people think that the flamingo in the trashcan means that the Raccoon is Adrienne’s husband, the singer and producer music Israel Houghton. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
…because of his “big belly,” claims one YouTube commenter. On the one hand, I would rather not engage with this theory, but on the other hand, I can totally see him doing this show? Also worth noting a few other connections: Jack was in Jumanji, a movie about, yep, animals. He can also sing, as evidenced by his lead singer position in the rock comedy band Tenacious D. And last but not least—and this is a deep, deep cut—real fans will remember the time that Ellen DeGeneres scared Jack Black with a raccoon on her show:
Bless their hearts, some fans want the Raccoon to be the Oscar-nominated actor Bradley Cooper—the connection being that Cooper voiced the character of Rocket (a raccoon) in Guardians of the Galaxy. Which, sure, fine, tracks, but if you’ll allow me to be a complete snob for a second: The greatest Sex and the City cameo WOULD NEVER.
