They check in several times a day: texts, emails, phone calls. They lavish flattery and compliments, make it clear you’re the one. You only met each other a few days ago, but the hours since have been a whirlwind of attention and promises.
There’s a term for this kind of behaviour: ‘love bombing’. Generally, it’s associated with dating, when a person heaps on praise and extends grand gestures, often to manipulate a potential partner to feel quickly indebted to them.
Love-bombing-esque behaviour can happen outside of romantic relationships, too. Some people may recognise an analogous pattern of behaviour in the working world: companies that come on startlingly strong, hotly pursuing job candidates for open roles. Applicants may find themselves in a sped-up hiring process, where compliments take the place of formal job descriptions, and jobseekers are primed with the promise of an ideal situation.
I would know. Last year, a recruiter contacted me about a position for which she said I’d be a great fit. She’d showered me with praise and told me about all the opportunities I’d have at the company – she even said I was “perfect”. When I had reservations about the role and questions about the corporate culture, she was dismissive, only returning to how much the managers wanted me in the fold as soon as possible. I even received a job offer before I expressed interest in working at the organisation at all.
Samorn Selim, a career coach based in Los Angeles, agrees the process can be compared to the early stages of a relationship – especially in a tight labour market, where employees still have the upper hand, and companies are fighting for talent. It’s the recruiter’s job, she says, to provide companies with as many options as possible – and when candidates are sparse, they may have to fight for these jobseekers.
Selim adds that even during this period of mass layoffs, highly specialised candidates continue to have a lot of options, and are looking at things beyond pay packages, such as company culture. Recruiters will do their best to cast open roles in the most favourable light, and make the candidates feel special with the goal of moving them along in the process.
This approach, while generally not malicious, can still have detrimental effects. The pressure and flattery can set up workers to fail: either staying at the ready for roles that never materialise; or winding up in jobs where promises don’t match the reality of day-to-day office culture.
Showing up as their “best selves”
Some companies pressure recruiters to come on strong, even relentlessly positive. This early stage is like the first few dates with a potential partner, says Selim – recruiters and companies want to show up as their “best selves” and gloss over any potential drawbacks.
In other words, many recruiters are simply trying to represent organisations in the most positive light, to entice workers in a competitive market. After all, the nature of their jobs is to bring new people into the company, and do so as efficiently as possible.
The behaviour isn’t necessarily calculated or nefarious, however.
Sally Hunter, a UK-based managing director at the global talent-acquisition firm Cielo, agrees many recruiters might not even realise they are displaying love-bombing behaviour. “Recruiters are natural salespeople and optimists, so these behaviours come from a well-intended place, and they do expect the candidate to secure the role and enjoy the role,” she says.
But she cautions there might be other motives, too. “If recruiters are on a low base salary and living through commission, it can drive love-bomb behaviour in order to have the maximum opportunity of filling the role.” In this case, a recruiter who has been hired to fill positions by a third party might overpromise and underdeliver for their own benefit, she says.
Too much pressure can set up workers to fail if they hold out for roles that never materialise or wind up in jobs where promises don’t match the reality (Credit: Getty Images)
Flattery, then failure
Whatever the company’s motivation, there are knock-on effects for job candidates that may have repercussions. In some cases, a candidate might wind up in a role that’s not a right fit after feeling pressured to take an offer.
Keirsten Greggs, 46, says she was oversold on a position at firm in Washington, DC. The hiring process was swift: after the recruiter told Greggs about her “amazing reputation” – ironically, she was in the talent-acquisition field herself – Greggs says she was “basically offered the job right away”. On top, she was also promised a number of perks, including the ability to work remotely.
But after the hiring process was over, things changed.
On her first day, management asked Greggs to come into the office. When she arrived, nobody was there to greet her, set her up or introduce her to the team. When she did connect with a manager, the promise of working from home deteriorated – she was told it wasn’t company policy. She also was shocked at the culture: along with unnerving office behaviour, such as excessive profanity, she says she also witnessed improper conduct around the screening of a disabled candidate. She left after eight days.
Another issue, says Selim, is some candidates may find themselves extremely excited about a role that’s all but promised to them – and end up without an offer in the end. This might be because in a tough hiring market, some recruiters may come on strong to keep candidates on the line as potential hires, so companies have as many options as possible.
Selim says she has seen this scenario play out, explaining that a recruiter might not be actively overpromising or giving a candidate a false sense of security to manipulate them – they’re just trying to sell the position to as many people as possible and provide the company options. But even if they tell the candidate they’re a front-runner for the job, this doesn’t always mean the company will extend an offer.
This can be problematic not only for morale, but also leave a worker in a precarious financial position, especially if they have turned down another job because they expect the love-bombing company to come through with a role.
Dodging a bullet?
Of course, it’s impossible to change the way a recruiter approaches a jobseeker. But knowing that this love bombing behaviour exists – and can have repercussions – can help workers avoid problems.
Selim stresses candidates should look for red flags.
It’s not uncommon for recruiters to tell candidates they have excellent experience, and let a worker know the team thinks highly of them – in fact, it’s important jobseekers feel valued. But candidates should be wary of anything that feels like an “overpromise” or lack of transparency as they go through the interview process, which can signal an issue.
For my part, although I was flattered by the company that love bombed me, I didn’t take the position. The experience sat like a knot in my stomach the whole time, and I couldn’t bring myself to accept the offer, worried I was being sold a position that wouldn’t materialise and didn’t quite fit my skill set. I feel like I dodged a situation that had the potential to backfire.
I’m glad I relied on my gut – after all, instincts can be priceless, too.
