Body language is like the gatekeeper to someone’s inner thoughts, even if no one’s deliberately saying anything. It’s the kind of thing where people show how they’re feeling—through hand gestures, smiles, tilts of the head, etc.—instead of explicitly saying it.
More importantly, when it comes to dating, body language is key—especially when you’re dating a man. Because as we know by now, communication can look vastly differently between men and women.
Luckily, if your guy isn’t too great at ~expressing himself~ there are actually a bunch of different cues and movements you should look out for if you’re trying to gauge his interest.
Below, find what experts advise you to pay close attention to if you want to see if the guy you think you’re vibing with is actually, legitimately into you too.
But important side note: While experts provided these answers specifically for if you’re dating men, most of these can be applied to whomever you’re dating and whatever their gender identity looks like. Adapt to your current dating situation however you see fit.
1. He walks beside you.
If he’s constantly two steps ahead of you, it could mean he’s more concerned about himself than you, says body language expert and author of Success Signals: A Guide to Reading Body Language, Patti Wood. If he’s not leading you through a crowded space, he should be adjusting his pace to match yours.
Also hi, don’t forget the classic “walking on the outside of the sidewalk that’s closer to the road” move. Life coach and therapist KeVonya Webb-Riley says it’s a signal he wants to protect you, which probably means he at least kinda likes you.
If he remembers not only your boundaries but your touch preferences, marriage and family psychotherapist Yasmin A. Razek says it’s a sign he’s responsive and aware of your needs, which is kinda major. For example, if you once shared that you love cuddling with your pet after a bad day, this might clue him in that you value quality time or physical touch. If he later asks if cuddling would make you feel better after a hard day, Razek says this could be super indicative of an attraction.
Yes, not looking at his phone is the literal bare minimum, but it is a good indicator. The amount of people you see at restaurants scrolling and texting instead of talking is gross. If he actively puts his phone away, he doesn’t deserve a medal or anything, but it shows he might not be complete scum.
Hugs can be confusing since platonic people hug, but Betsy Chung, PsyD, says to pay attention to the embrace. If he gives “firm hugs” that last longer than the usual two-second squeeze, he problems intended for it to be more meaningful and ~intimate.~
While you’re dissecting his hug, concentrate on his lead-in. Webb-Riley says if he grabs your arms to place them over his shoulder when hugging, this is a sign he’s into you since it’s an easy position to segue into a kiss if that’s what you’re feeling.
Are you smiling as you talk? Frowning? Being super animated? Razek says if he subconsciously mirrors your facial expressions, it shows he’s actively listening and engaged.
Like, if you’re crying and he has a frozen smile on his face or if you’re laughing and he’s looking his dog just died, that might not be the best sign. “If his facial expressions are congruent to the topic of discussion. That [usually] means he’s fully engaged and showing genuine empathy,” says Dr. Chung.
Some people handle emotions better than others, but Razek says to take note if he leans forward when you’re sharing something vulnerable. Also, if he lightly touches you if you’re sad, this can show he’s not only paying attention but actually cares about what you’re feeling.
Groups create an interesting dynamic (especially if friends and/or alcohol is involved), which is why it’s the perfect time to do some body language detective work. Webb-Riley says if he faces you in a group setting and talks to you like you’re the only person in the room, he’s probably majorly vibing with you.
“Something unexpected to look for is if they reference shared past discussions/experiences during conversation,” says Dr. Chung. “It shows that they’re paying attention to time spent with you, and could mean that they’re trying to establish a special bond that includes just the two of you.”
What this means: His feet are shoulder-width apart, his shoulders are relaxed, his hands and arms are uncrossed, and his jaw is unclenched. “Open body language is an indication that a guy is curious and attentive to you,” says licensed therapist Shamyra Howard, author of Use Your Mouth.
Consider it a good thing if, when you’re with this guy, he doesn’t keep his hands chilling in his pocket or behind his back. “When a guy is comfortable around you, his hands are usually visible” confirms Howard.
You know when dogs hear a new sound they haven’t heard before, they do that cute lil head tilt? Yeah, well dudes are a lot like our fluffy puppers in this case. “When a guy tilts his head to the side, it shows that he’s curious and tuned in.”
When his breathing is at a slow pace, this indicates that he is relaxed and can fully be himself around you. “This is a good sign, as men like to feel comfortable around their partners,” says relationship expert Melissa Divaris Thompson.
If his palms feel a bit sweaty when you’re strolling down the street, this could mean that he’s, yes, physically hot, but also that he’s nervous. “Being nervous is a sign that they could potentially have interest and not want to mess anything up,” says Thompson.
Whether he accidentally touches your hand or can’t stop hitting your foot underneath the table, it’s a great sign of contact because it shows he wants to be close to you physically, says Thompson.
“When people get nervous, they often touch the visible dip area where the neck meets the collarbones as a form of self-soothing,” says relationship expert David Bennett. “Since the knot of the necktie is in this area, guys will often play with their neckties when really into someone and bothered by it.”
If he stumbles over his words a lot when he’s often the life of the party, he’s nervous around you. “When you know he’s not normally awkward but he’s being awkward and can’t seem to formulate sentences around you, this could be a sign of interest,” says Bennett.
“When someone is really into someone, it can cause a stress reaction and the adrenaline that gets released can lead to facial flushing,” says Bennett. Before you read too far into this, though, make sure it’s not 90 degrees out and he’s not on his third tequila.
In line at a restaurant, on a subway car, saying goodbye, whatever the situation may be, he just can’t resist the urge to be as close to your face as possible. “If he’s not afraid of body closeness and makes his desires clear but not creepy, it’s likely he wants to take advantage of being as close to you as possible,” says online dating coach Andi Forness.
Either you’re in a super-dark place or this subtle signal means he’s into you. “Dilation is a brain response that occurs when you like and are attracted to something,” Wood says.
“If he likes you and likes what he sees as soon as he sees you, he wants more of you. Soon, the aperture of his eyes increases, making his eyebrows raise,” Wood says. This also means he’s interested in whatever you’re saying.
“Guys stop smiling like this around the age of 5 unless they’re really happy,” Wood says. He might not show off a toothy grin while casually flirting, but on a really awesome date when he’s having loads of fun, look for teeth. “When he feels really happy, he’s not covering that up,” says Wood.
Real smiles extend well beyond the mouth: They lift the forehead and give you slightly squinty eyes. If his smile involves his whole face, it means you’re genuinely affecting him in a good way.
When you’re attracted to someone, your mouth produces extra saliva, Wood says. In response, he might quickly lick his lips or press them together.
You might think that a guy who is totally enamored by you will find it hard to peel his eyes away. But now that everyone is used to being glued to their phones, nonstop eye contact can make people feel uncomfortable. So, if he spends about 80 percent of your interaction looking from your eyes to your nose and lips, he’s into you, says Wood.
Yes, men do require oxygen (lol). But when he subconsciously takes a deep breath, he’ll pull in his stomach and puff out his chest—it’s a subconscious way to make his upper body look broader and his waist look smaller, two qualities that make him look more fit and (from an evolutionary perspective) more desirable, Wood says. In other words, he’s into you and trying to attract you.
“What someone does as soon as they come through the door says a lot about what’s important to them,” Wood says. He won’t just walk into your place and settle down without a hug, kiss, or long glance first.
In a noisy bar, this sign might not hold much weight, but when he can physically hear you perfectly well and leans in anyway, it means he’s interested in what you have to say—and you in general.
This stance takes up more space than standing with his arms against your sides, so this is a male power signal, Wood says. Men use it to show physical superiority over other men. In this situation, and if he’s angled toward you, it means he’s seeking attention from you.
When he initiates physical contact under the guise of another reason (like, say, to compliment how soft your pants are), it’s a test to see how you respond to his touch, Wood says. Touch is a tool he can use to test your limits, so this could mean he’s only interested in sex, Wood says. If he really likes you, though, he might pull back extra slowly and smile sweetly as he does it, which means he wants to take the time to get closer to you.
This exposes his man parts, which are full of sensitive nerve endings. It’s a vulnerable position that could mean he’s willing to put himself out there (literally and emotionally) to get to know you. Then again, he could just be manspreading.
Because it’s an overtly sexual body part, it often signals sexual interest—or lack thereof, Wood says. If he moves his hips away from you, it’s probably the latter.
Feet are involved in the fight-or-flight response that kicks in when you’re in danger, so they are largely controlled by the unconscious mind—and can be very telling in social interactions. “The feet tend to point where the heart wants to go,” Wood says.
Of course, timing is super important here. If you’re talking to a guy who seems interested, and you touch his arm and then see his feet angle away from you, the context says he’s no longer interested.
If he crosses them in a way that turns his torso and upper body away from you, he might be disinterested. But if he crosses his legs away and turns the rest of his body toward you, it could just mean that he’s shy. Like most of these signs, it depends largely on the guy.
Duh, he obviously wants to get closer to you.
While this might be a sign he’s keeping his options open, Wood says you shouldn’t rush to judge a great conversationalist just because he chats you up while he’s looking elsewhere. If he makes an effort to find a common thread or asks you lots of actual questions, his body language may reflect his personality, and he could actually be totally enthralled by you.
The throat represents communication and vulnerability, says Wood. If he reaches up to touch it during your interaction, he’s interested in you and worried about coming across well. But again, context can play a key role: If you’re talking to a player, a throat touch could signal dishonesty. So feel him out and look for other signs on this list before you go reassure him.
This kind of full-on hand-holding signifies a desire to connect. The same goes for interlocking fingers. On the other hand, an arched palm means he is scared or may be holding something back.
The message is loud and clear: He wants your attention, be it to impress you or to make sure you’re listening, because he wants to be heard.
Even if you have a comfy armchair next to your tiny couch, he’s opting to squeeze next to you instead. If you’re at a restaurant that has booths, he won’t shy away from sitting on the same side instead of across from you. This is symbolic of him being on the same “team” as you, says Wood.
Wood says this can be a sign of nervousness or attraction. A caress could suggest he wants to touch you.
According to Wood, by doing this, he’s showing you he can let down his guard and be vulnerable with you.
Beyond just putting his phone away when he’s with you (again, this is absolute lowest bar of courtesy on a date), he resists interjecting your story to comment on the football game playing behind you or the Cajun fries being too spicy.
However, even if he does interrupt you (we’re all human!), an interested guy will quickly apologize and touch you to make the effort to reconnect with you, Wood says.
Even if does everything to make you feel like a queen on a first date, pay attention to how he handles your stuff. Does he throw you your jacket instead of hand it to you? Does he grab gum from your purse and then drop it on the floor? Wood says that reckless treatment of your things reveals the amount of respect he has for you. It also gives you a clear picture of what it’d be like if you lived together.
